It has been a long, long time since I posted anything here. It isn’t for lack of ideas. For some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything. That extends past the blog to my novel-in-progress. I have missed it terribly, but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Every time I tried, I felt like I’d been dipped in cement and asked to wade through quicksand. It was no longer a joy but a chore and that broke my heart.
I spent more than one night crying myself to sleep because I was terrified that the magic, the spark, the “thing” that made me a writer was gone. What is wrong with me? For certainly something must be terribly wrong for me to turn away from what I loved so much.
The harder I tried, the more depressed and distraught I became. Witnessing myself take what was not a simple detour from the path, but wandering so far away concerned me. Something was going on and regardless of the outcome I needed to figure out what.
Recently, a friend introduced me to T Thorne Coyle’s website. Her work has made a difference in the lives of many people walking many paths. One of the things I knew I needed to do was raise my vibration. Although I was struggling, at least I wouldn’t bring myself down further than I was already. I needed to continue to find my way back, even if it was an inch at a time.
In my travels through the YouTuberverse, I came upon a conversation between T Thorn Coyle and Anaar from 2013. I wanted to share it here because I think it would benefit anyone who deals with the 9 to 5 world while trying to maintain their creativity/spirituality.
Something clicked. I was finally able to give myself permission to take a creative nap. To allow myself the time that I need to recharge. Once I released the fear and the sadness, I had a realization. I spent a considerable amount of time pushing myself to write my submission for the “Dark Crystal” author quest. Although I did not get the job, that does not negate the work that I did or the immense energy that I put toward the project. I also had a sense of sadness because I wouldn’t be finishing the project. I had all these ideas, this amazing story, and someone else pulled the plug. So I suppose I had to mourn the loss.
Once I took some time to reflect on that, I realized it stands to reason that I would need to take a break. That I may need to distance myself a bit so that I can refocus on my next project and move forward with that.
Interestingly enough, it seems that this “lightbulb moment” has also flipped a switch within me, freeing me up to write again.